I had some discouraging news Wednesday night. I’m losing my largest client and the major source of my income. Change like this is always startling yet it presents itself with some new and exciting opportunities.

I reached out to a couple of friends when I heard the news with a quick text. We had company over at the time so I couldn’t really make phone calls, but I needed to let them know what I was going through.

What I received from them yesterday was personal and amazing.

The first friend was at my home the next morning waiting for me to wake up. My day started with a reassuring hug. I didn’t have any words at the time, but she didn’t expect any from me; just a hug, a knowing smile and her presence before she headed out on her day.

The second friend showed up in the afternoon. He refused my invitation to sit on the couch and pulled up a chair directly in front of me. He sat in my space, giving me his complete attention and gaze. He encouraged me and laughed with me, reminding me how rich we are to have each other.

The third friend picked me up to take me to dinner. He came a little early wanting to make sure we had enough time and didn’t have to rush through the evening. We’ve been through most of our lives together and this is just another one of those little speed bumps that we help each other over. When the waitress came to take our drink order my friend declared that it was a pitcher of beer night. He kept our glasses full and the conversation flowing – the beer (a great Weizenbock), along with his presence was good medicine for my soul.

I reflect back now on my friends’ personalities and am so grateful for what they brought to me yesterday – physical touch, quality time, affirmation, gifts, and their presence. I am very grateful for all of the relationships in my life, especially the Peter, James and John who showed up yesterday.

Oh, and remember that little photography hobby I’ve been showcasing this last year? Well, I am going into business!

Earlier this year I made a list of people that I’d like to photograph in an environment that illuminates something special about them as a person.

Posed portraits are important to us as they capture a visual timeline of events (weddings and proms) and ages (senior photos, Christmas card photos, etc.). Candid pictures are important as they can capture a moment in time along with all of the connected emotions (a child opening a gift). Environmental portraits can be either posed or candid, but they are shot in a background that expresses part of the story of a person’s life.

My friend Lisa Marten is an artist by both heart and trade. She uses paint and canvas to mix together beauty, emotions and color. We have been friends for years, weaving in and out of the stories of each other’s lives.

When I approached Lisa about doing a photo shoot while she was painting, she offered to let me come to her studio while she painted a self-portrait titled “Dancing Child.” I understood that this was a vulnerable move on her part and I was very honored that she would trust me in her space.

When I arrived at her studio Lisa had prepared her canvas with scriptures, quotes and lyrics that she wanted underneath her portrait. As for me, Lisa was my canvas and I was going to try to capture her essence at the same time she was expressing it in paint.

Lisa IS expressive! The paints fly when she is at work. I have spotted Dockers and a t-shirt to prove it from that afternoon to show for it (remarkably no paint hit my camera!).

We started our time with talking, Lisa explaining to me her process and her heart for this specific portrait. I asked about boundaries with my lights and positions around the room. Her goal was to ignore me and my goal was to capture a moment or two of how I experience Lisa – as a friend, an artist, and a beautiful woman.

Yesterday we got back together to show each other what we created. Lisa’s painting is remarkable, a bit different than what she originally envisioned, but like life that just made it feel the more real. We also liked the photographs as they do capture Lisa in her environment and help share her story in the media that I love.

This endeavor required risks on both our parts, but the benefits were measurably worth it. I’m certainly going to be taking more chances on environmental photography. Who knows, maybe you are on my list!

Click on pictures for larger images.

Silent Monks Singing Halleluia

Hysterical Nativity – Little Girl Steals Show

This post is part of World Vision’s 12 blogs of Christmas.

It’s the day after Thanksgiving and the holiday season gift buying is in full swing. Black Friday specials have the shoppers out in droves. Downtown Portland is a sea of moving people with packages, shopping lists, and agendas. Me, I’m armed with my Nikon camera, hoping to capture some artistic street photos.

I stand on a street corner for a half hour or so, just getting a feel for the people walking from store to store. I notice that some of the downtown citizens remain outside the retail giants’ doors. There is an older gentleman attempting to hand out copies of his religion’s periodical. There are street performers and musicians demonstrating their talents in hopes that the holiday revelers would donate a bill or two in the spirit of the season. The young man standing next to me has a stack of pirated CD’s and is trying to get a passersby to listen to his iPod long enough to decide to buy a track or two.

Then there are the homeless. Like in every city they have cardboard signs about their most immediate needs. When I spotted Cecil I immediately liked his face. I semi-hid behind one of the large pillars in front of a department store so I could raise my camera without drawing too much attention. It didn’t work. Cecil looked directly at me as I released the shutter.

I like taking pictures of the homeless because their images easily tell a story. But it is important to me that I’m not exploiting those who are down on their luck so I often engage them in conversation. Sometimes I give them a small donation for their time and their picture.

I pulled out a dollar and handed it to Cecil as we began to talk. I joked with him that he needed to come up with a fancier outfit if he was going to compete on the same street corner with the silver painted juggler and the animal balloon making clown. He smiled but admitted it had been a rough morning, “I’ve been standing with this sign for five hours today and now I have just $6.00.”

I wasn’t in a hurry to get away. I found I had some energy for this gentleman and so we introduced ourselves and continued our discussion. He told me that he and his wife Mary had been on the streets for just a couple of weeks. If I understood him right they had tried to help someone else out, but in doing so broke some rules where they were staying. They were evicted to the streets. They first went to a shelter, but Mary got lice from the bedding there. Now they were staying in a hostel that cost them $24 a night for the two of them.

“Last night I didn’t come up with the money and we had to stay outside,” Cecil said. “I could do it again if I had to but I’ve got to get a room for my wife tonight.”

It’s not hard to empathize with Cecil. I’d do everything I could to make sure my wife had a roof over her head too.

When our conversation ended I simply said, “God be with you, Cecil.”

He replied, “God be with us both.”

I didn’t get very far, probably about half a block when I returned to give Cecil a $20. “You and Mary have enough for the room tonight,” I said. “God is with us.”

He answered with tears.

Truthfully I don’t know the veracity of Cecil’s story. I don’t know how he has handled money or jobs in the past. I don’t know where he will be tomorrow. I don’t pretend to think my $20 changed his life or altered his future. What I do believe is that I was fully present with him when we were together and God met us there.

Cities this size used to terrify me because of the sheer number of people in them. The press of humanity and the pressure to somehow save them all overwhelmed me. Bite-sized areas are different. I understand evangelism in my neighborhood – I can count the number of houses around mine. I understand evangelism in churches – I can count how many people respond to an alter call. But how in God’s name do we reach entire cities with better news than their inhabitants’ current conditions? How do we make a difference?

We occupy.

I know it is a trendy buzz word, but I think it has some meaning this Advent season.

Jesus tells the story of a good shepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to go after the one that was lost and bring him back to the safety of the flock.

I wonder if in this economy he might have shared it the other way around – leaving the 1% that are making it on their own to go after the 99% who are struggling. It seems to fit Jesus’ standard operating procedure; he did, after all, come to earth to occupy for the sake of all of us who were lost.

What does it mean to occupy?

Jesus tells another parable where a King is going on a journey and leaves his treasure with his servants. His command was “Occupy until I come.” What he expected of them was to use the resources he left them to continue to expand his kingdom. I think we’ve been tasked with the same challenge.

Occupy – be personally involved in expanding the Kingdom of God, one person, or one need, at a time

Advent – until he comes

World Vision has made it easy to help some people in some fun, creative, and very practical ways. Please check out their Gift Catalog to see how you can help change someone’s life today.

Alan Knox has a blog called, “The Assembling of the Church.” In a post a few days ago an anonymous poster expressed how marginalized her family feels in their church.  Alan followed up with her and gave her the opportunity to write a guest post that is revealing to what many people experience in their congregations today.

You may feel right at home in your congregation. You may see all the growth and the excellence and feel that God’s vision is being accomplished. Not everybody feels that way. They don’t know how to express themselves for fear of being called divisive. If they end up leaving the church we find reasons to let them slip away:

• “They weren’t on the same page with us.”
• “They came here with an agenda.”
• “They were dead weight and holding us back for the vision that God has called us to.”
• “There is some other church out there better suited for their needs.”
• “They probably need a smaller, more intimate setting.”
• “This is actually an answer to prayer.”

These excuses are so easy for church leaders to use because it deflects any sense of responsibility and puts all the blame on the departing family. How do I know? Because I have said all of the above things and nodded my head in agreement when someone else offered them.

We easily raise our hands during worship songs to glorify God and then proceed to belittle each other when the services are over. Jesus’ brother James mentions this sort of behavior in his exhortation to the Church.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. (James 3:9-10)

Mrs. Anonymous is an important part of the body that should not be cut off. She and her family should not be made to feel second rate. Her experience with other believers should be a place of safety and healing and not a place of judgment.

I resonate with this statement from her:

I often wish we could be a wealthier, ‘stronger’ more ‘put together’ family. That seems to be what a lot of churches are looking for. Oddly different criteria than the weary, burdened, and heavy-laden folks Jesus called to Himself. But I also know that a lot of the struggles God has allowed in our lives have been used by Him to make us more compassionate, sympathetic, God-dependent people.

I hope you will take the time to read her letter today, and if your church vision is moving so fast so that it is pushing people like this off the train, then for God’s sake slow down.

Yesterday on Mike Morrell’s blog he quoted his friend and Duke Seminarian Andrew Tatum. He made some interesting points on the costs from having a differentiation between laity and professional ministers.

The idea of a distinction between clergy and laity is one of those extrabiblical human inventions that needs to be challenged and possibly even abolished altogether in believing communities. If, as the Apostle Peter claims, Christians are truly a Royal Priesthood then it seems that the very presence of a distinction between professional clergy and believing laity robs the “average” believer of his responsibility and calling to ministry in a local assembly through the use of his or her Spiritual gifts. Now I am aware that history happens and that it would be almost impossible to completely abolish any sort of “priestly” caste throughout the entire church but I am hopeful that communities within the emerging church, house church & organic church “movement” will begin to challenge this paradigm that – in my view – has vested too much power in the so-called clergy, thereby placing the burden of pastoral ministry that should be shared by an entire community on one person or a small group of persons. This over-burdening has two effects: first, it makes effective and relational ministry in churches nearly impossible because one person simply cannot embody every spiritual gift identified by Paul as beneficial and necessary for a functional Christian community. Second, it relieves “ordinary” Christians of the pastoral duties that they are called to embody by encouraging the truthless claim that the role of “pastor” should be embodied only by a formally trained and supposedly more fully gifted group of “called” and “equipped” pastoral elites.

For those of you without titles and positions – have you ever:

• Relied on people with a title or paid position in a church to do the work of the ministry that might be your own to do?
• Called in a visitation request to the church in order to get a “pastor” to visit a person in need?
• Let the church know of someone in the hospital who needs a “pastor” to come pray over them?
• Sent people to a church food bank before opening up your own cupboards or sharing a meal first?
• Given all of your tithes and offerings to one church or charity so you don’t have any personal responsibility to hear from God about how to spend those resources?

For those of you with professional titles and positions – have you ever:

• Opened up the pulpit for the rest of the congregation to share what God has spoken to them?
• Limited ministry opportunities to only those who serve you and your church’s specific vision?
• Created systems of hierarchy which isolate you from the rest of the church body?
• Found yourself burdened that you don’t have enough staff to do all the work?

Are we comfortable with our current ministry models just because they are what we are used to? Are we willing to ask hard questions of ourselves and our organizational paradigms?

What do you think?

Church in my home this weekend included two little girls on their first ever sleepover while their parents celebrated an overnight anniversary date. One is a two-year-old precocious blonde that reminds me of my own first born daughter. The second is a seven-month-old precious baby with Downs Syndrome.

This isn’t the first time I’ve held or even helped take care of Lydia. But this was the first time that I had her in my home for an extended time in which I felt responsible for her.

If you asked me last week I would have told you that I didn’t have any hang-ups with interacting with people with Downs, but I discovered over the weekend that I did have some fear of taking care of Lydia.

I haven’t tried to analyze it too much; mostly I think it came from a place of not having any experience so I created some judgments of what I thought it could be like.

My judgments were wrong. They sort of melted off as I had ample time to hold Lydia.

There are a couple of different ways to hold a new baby. One is the polite, “Can I hold your bundle of joy?” when you visit someone with an infant. You get to ooh and ahh at them and give your arms five to ten minutes of exercise rocking an eight-to-twelve-pound cooing child before you pass them off to the next admirer.

The other way of holding is to truly cuddle. You get into their space and they get snuggled into yours. Really it is more like you are holding each other. There is lots of gazing, observing, admiring and appreciating.

I got that time with Lydia this weekend. I got to see her happy, mad, naked, content, hungry and satisfied. I cuddled with her on Saturday morning when she was ready to get up and I wasn’t. We napped together on the couch while her sister watched The Wiggles. Lydia melted my judgments. I realized that the label I had unconsciously attached to her was very unnecessary and not worth creating fears over. She is a seven-month-old precious baby that has an adoring admirer in me.

It makes me wonder what other judgments and labels I create out of ignorance and unfamiliarity. Maybe instead of avoiding my fears I will choose to cuddle with them. Instead of being afraid I might just find myself in love, like I found myself with Lydia.

When Google released Gmail many of us scrambled to get the easy to remember email addresses before someone else grabbed them. Chad.Estes was already taken so I had to go with Captian.Estes for my main Gmail account. I also signed up for Pastor.Chad but it is an account that I’ve never shared with anyone so when I get email to that address I figure it is meant for someone else.

Sometimes I track down the pastor the email is intended for and forward it to them. Other times I’ve just returned it to the sender and told them, “This is not the Pastor Chad that you are looking for.”

Today I received an email from someone that I’d heard from before trying to contact their pastor. Unfortunately my address is still in his contacts so I received the following apology from “John” to the senior pastor of his church.

Dear Pastor Chad,

Please forgive me for the E-mail I send a couple weeks ago. All I know is what I stated truly did not have anything to do with you or our church. I am truly sad that I was way out in left field. My frustrations are really between I and myself and I must face those by myself. You have been and are totally touched and called by the Lord Jesus Christ. You are anointed and deserve total submission from me. From this date on I support you and the church family totally.

Your servant.

John

I want to make sure that Pastor Chad receives John’s apology, but I wasn’t comfortable with everything in the letter. I took the opportunity to give John the following feedback. Read it and let me know what you think about authority, submission and loyalty in church.

Hi John,

Again I have been the recipient of an email from you that was meant for someone else. I’m glad it came my way though, because I have some feedback for you.

First off, what a blessing it is to see a brother in Christ reflect on his actions and emotions and take responsibility for them. I think this is the work of the Holy Spirit in your life and it leads to growth when you respond to him. Perhaps you also had some feedback from others in your Christian family about your email to your pastor. If they gave you “real” instead of pandering to you, then they too should be commended for speaking the truth in love to you. I’m really glad you are taking the opportunity to follow up with your pastor and pursuing a genuine relationship with him.

The rest of my feedback to you is about your promises at the end of the email. “You are anointed and deserve total submission from me. From this date on I support you and the church family totally.”

John, pastors are in no way a different hierarchy from the rest of the believers. We have one head, and that is Jesus. The rest of us Christians are all anointed with his promised Holy Spirit and we are all joined in to one very special body.

Sometimes we pastors knowingly or innocently use scriptures to try and separate ourselves from the rest of the flock. We can get caught up thinking we are the shepherds and everyone else are the sheep. Truth is we have woolly hair ourselves and all of the passages of scripture about leadership, spiritual gifts, submission, etc doesn’t change that truth. Our culture has done more to define the current role of a pastor than what is healthy or what I personally think God intended. Though I appreciate the 180 degree turnaround you had with your criticism I think your statement of uncontested loyalty goes too far in the other direction.

We pastors need the rest of the body to keep us in check. We are just men/women on this discipleship journey ourselves. We are still learning, growing, and maturing into faithful, obedient lovers of Jesus. We aren’t the only ones who can hear from God, far from it. In fact it is our role to help connect the sheep in our care with the real shepherd, not get in the middle of that relationship.

Please continue to use the gifts that God has given you John to help equip your local body of believers. Use your ears and eyes, your heart and mind, and the whisperings of the Spirit to prove all things being shared in your community. Not all of it will be worth holding onto, while some of it will be very life-giving to you.

Submission is blessed when it is mutual. Being totally present in your church will mean being honest and real about your thoughts and feelings as they come up, not suppressing it because you think your silence is equal to loyalty.

Be loyal by speaking up, just do so in love. Your pastor will learn that he has a man in his congregation that he can get real feedback and friendship from.

Be true,

Another Pastor Chad

Do you give your pastor silent submission? Is that what will really benefit them? If your pastor can’t take feedback about their care of the flock are they really a shepherd?

PS. I don’t recommend doing an image search for “submission” even with the safe filter on.

My friend Ed Cyzewski asked me to be a part of a blog tour on a new commentary on the Gospel of Matthew. I don’t normally read Bible commentaries with the idea of reviewing them, and I don’t think I’ve read too many of them cover to cover. But when The Gospel of Matthew: God With Us showed up on my doorstep I was intrigued.

Most commentaries fall into either a scholarly exploration or a spiritual application genre. This series, called Resonate and published by IVP is something different – a new kind of commentary genre. Leonard Sweet describes it this way, “What a novel and glorious experience to be reading a meditation which becomes an exegesis which becomes a devotional which becomes a homily—all in the space of a few pages.”

Paul Metzger, the Executive Editor of Resonate shares the purpose of the new series:

The aim of the Resonate series is to provide spiritual nourishment that is biblically sound, theologically orthodox and culturally significant. The form each volume in the series will take is that of an extended essay—each author writing about a biblical book in an interactive, reflective and culturally engaging manner.

That works for me.

I decided to figure out what Matt Woodley, the author of this volume saw as the overarching theme of this Gospel. The information sheet packed with the book gave it away.

Authentic relationships require personal presence. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus shows up and offers us God’s personal presence.

This introduction grabbed me. Since Ed gave me permission to pick my own section to review, I went for one that spoke directly to this theme—The Beauty of Being Present, Matthew 8:1-17, 28-34.

There are four stories of healing in this passage—a leper, the centurion’s servant, Peter’s mother-in-law, and two men who were full of demons. Woodley looks at Jesus’ ministry to these individuals through the lens of the broken people in his own world. Jesus took his message, his physical presence, and his touch to people who were the outcasts. Jewish laws forbid men from connecting with those that were considered outsiders including the sick, the possessed, Gentiles, and any woman that wasn’t their wife. Jesus’ actions in these stories paint a much different picture of what is in God’s heart for people.

Woodley points out, “Jesus didn’t merely focus on curing illnesses and treating symptoms. Instead he offered his personal presence and healing power, demonstrating that the long-awaited kingdom had arrived.”

The author shares his own stories of people who are broken, sick and lonely and discusses how he applies what he has learned about being present. I enjoyed his writing style and his heart and it made me hungry to read more of this commentary. This book is going into my devotional pile, something I’ve never done with another commentary.

*****

I’ve been reflecting this past week on this topic. Here are a few random thoughts I’ve had about being present for someone.

• You can be physically present with someone but remain emotionally distant.
• Listening is a very caring act of being present.
• Eye contact is a way to practice being present with someone.
• Touch is a highly precious gift of healing and care. It can be abused, so one must be cautious, but to shelf it would be wasting a significant gift that God gave us.
• Presence sometimes means slowing down and spending time.
• Presence often includes a meal.
• The gift of presence can be experienced even when two people aren’t side by side. Cards, letters, emails, texts and phone calls can be beautiful ways to be with someone.

What are other things you have learned about the gift of presence?

Well, did he make you cry, make you break down,
Shatter your illusions of love
And is it over now, do you know how
Pick up the pieces and go home
- Fleetwood Mac

A childhood friend of mine went through a divorce last year. I’m watching her rebuild her life dealing with the pain as it presents itself.

I was visiting with her not that long ago and she reminded me that I was the photographer at her wedding. She jokingly asked me if I wanted the pictures back.

She then got real with me and told me that she had trouble looking at her past family photos. They were triggers and reminders of what was broken, lousy and lost.

I guess that conversation got her thinking. Last week she contacted me again. She asked if we could set a date to go out on a photo shoot with her and her daughters to fill up the now empty frames with the pictures of her family of three.

This one is my favorite. It shows a strong mom close together with her delightful daughters – three really beautiful women who are moving past the pain and living in the joy still to be found in their family along their journey.

How can you replace your past images of pain with new moments of joy?