Alan Knox has a blog called, “The Assembling of the Church.” In a post a few days ago an anonymous poster expressed how marginalized her family feels in their church. Alan followed up with her and gave her the opportunity to write a guest post that is revealing to what many people experience in their congregations today.
You may feel right at home in your congregation. You may see all the growth and the excellence and feel that God’s vision is being accomplished. Not everybody feels that way. They don’t know how to express themselves for fear of being called divisive. If they end up leaving the church we find reasons to let them slip away:
- “They weren’t on the same page with us.”
- “They came here with an agenda.”
- “They were dead weight and holding us back for the vision that God has called us to.”
- “There is some other church out there better suited for their needs.”
- “They probably need a smaller, more intimate setting.”
- “This is actually an answer to prayer.”
These excuses are so easy for church leaders to use because it deflects any sense of responsibility and puts all the blame on the departing family. How do I know? Because I have said all of the above things and nodded my head in agreement when someone else offered them.
We easily raise our hands during worship songs to glorify God and then proceed to belittle each other when the services are over. Jesus’ brother James mentions this sort of behavior in his exhortation to the Church.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. (James 3:9-10)
Mrs. Anonymous is an important part of the body that should not be cut off. She and her family should not be made to feel second rate. Her experience with other believers should be a place of safety and healing and not a place of judgment.
I resonate with this statement from her:
I often wish we could be a wealthier, ‘stronger’ more ‘put together’ family. That seems to be what a lot of churches are looking for. Oddly different criteria than the weary, burdened, and heavy-laden folks Jesus called to Himself. But I also know that a lot of the struggles God has allowed in our lives have been used by Him to make us more compassionate, sympathetic, God-dependent people.
I hope you will take the time to read her letter today, and if your church vision is moving so fast so that it is pushing people like this off the train, then for God’s sake slow down.
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Check out my other blog, Jesus or Squirrel. It’s a fun attempt at figuring out what should truly be credited to Jesus, Religion, Hype, Tradition, Superstition, Satan, Oral Roberts and his Friends, or The Squirrel.
Studio Casey
Chad,
Thanks for linking to this important post. I'm also glad that she was willing to share her story with my readers, and that you've shared it with yours. You are absolutely correct: "Mrs. Anonymous is an important part of the body that should not be cut off. She and her family should not be made to feel second rate."
By the way, this post was actually from 4 years ago. It's an older post that linked to in Facebook and Twitter.
-Alan
So, considering that this is a four year old post, do you know how Mrs. Anonymous worked things out?
Yes, I kept up with her through email. She and her family have found a great group of believers who have accepted them. They are all learning to grow in maturity in Christ together.
-Alan
That is truly good news.
Thank you Chad. I have felt this same way, more than once. So recent, in fact, I could probably hit "it" if I were to throw a stone.
Yet, something I am thankful for is getting to know my Savior better than I ever have in my life. These seasons have definitely been one of total and utter dependence on Daddy God. After all – people let me down, as much as I let others down. The teaching Tri did a few years ago really comes to mind. "Please forgive JAMES."
The days I didn't want to go to church and making sure to tell Him (as if He didn't already know) – The days I refused, he understood. The days I wasn't going to go and then He drew me (even through my 20-yo son). The days I "bartered" and told him…"Okay, God, but I am not going to talk to anyone." And when I got there, someone talked to me first. The days I was there but my mind was racing and I couldn't see Him, touch Him or hear Him and a small still voice said to Worship HIM right where I was – he already knew. There was power in worship. There is power in recognizing, whether in church, the grocery store, at home, or wherever… God is there. He doesn't need us in church. We need us in church. Iron sharpens iron – even when we cannot see the changes in the fire, we come out stronger. Even if only to push us more into the arms of our SAVIOR, knowing His perfect love casts out all fear. His perfect love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not arrogant and never rude. His love doesn't insist on having his way, is not irritable or resentful and it doesn't rejoice in wrongdoing, but (PARAPHRASED)
HIS LOVE ALWAYS BEARS ALL OF US, BELIEVES IN ALL OF US, HOPES FOR ALL OF US AND ENDURES ALL THE THINGS WE DO TO EACH OTHER. HIS LOVE PREVAILS.